Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
