we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
