I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
