he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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