Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
