he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
