I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
