I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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