the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
