just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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