yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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