I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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