And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize