Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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