Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
