Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
