And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
