dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
