I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
