As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize