I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
