i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
soo... how was my night?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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