you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
