Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
