the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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