Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
