My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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