Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
