something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
