Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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