She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
