Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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