i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
only you would photoshop your dick
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
