barbara walters just said penis...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
