It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize