found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize