can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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