yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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