Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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