I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
