That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
