my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
