He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
