I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
