they need to just BURY HIM!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
