the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
