Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
