you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
