are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
