I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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