Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
