i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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