Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
