i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
