Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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