you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
