he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
