Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
