I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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