got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
