I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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