Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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