I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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