I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
