We're like a lot better than the average bears
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
zippers are such a cool invention
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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