Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i believe in u and ur pee
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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