Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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