Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
