would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize