Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
