This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
