You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I accidentally burped into my bong.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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