Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
