the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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