so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
