none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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