No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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