do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
