my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize