we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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