I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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