Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
