Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
