Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
