I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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