Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
