my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
