i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize