He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
