I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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