I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
