Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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