piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
