Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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