With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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