i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
