I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
